Economy: Share your toys share your money! Redistribution! More money for teh p0nx = more money for teh cocaine and heroin. We'll promote job growth by blowing shit up and creating jobs to fix it. Plus, we'll legalize prostitution so that we can sleep with them without it being scandalous.
Health Care: You get health care if you suck dick. If you don't, no health care for you--it's really that simple.
Environment: Monkey's will be chief environmental advisers...and will also suck dick.
LGBT Rights: Pretty fucking p0nx. We will remove all taxes on tr00 fag p0nx. Make-up will be distributed free to all those who want it.
Abortion: CUT THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS UP. tr00 p0nx abort that shit because reproduction is playing into the system and all that bullshit. So uh, don't do it. Sex = p0nx. Babyz = nawt.
Foreign Policy: Offer sucky sucky--if a no go, bomb them to hell.
Torture: Offer sucky suck--if a no go, make them suck it anyways.
Gun Control: No guns, only cocaine.
War Against Drugs: War Against Drugs...or War For Drugs? FREE COKE AND HEROIN FOR EVERYONE!! Lou Reed was a fag...and he did heroin...WE HAVE LOU REED'S SUPPORT. Bowie was a fag...and he did coke...WE HAVE BOWIE'S SUPPORT. Read between the lines, baby.