DOWNTRODDEN HESSIANS

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. True Hessian Enlightenment for Dummies.

Dyer's Eve

It is often misunderstood, the ways of a true warrior of Hesse. But as your leader I shall guide you all, yes, all 14 of you shall learn the methods in becoming a True Hessian. I shall present to you a simple step-by-step guide that will ease you into the ways of Hessian Lore. If you cannot follow these steps, you will be branded an xtian and will forever be recognised as a Poser-Hessian. Banished to be subject to the tyranny of the Zionist regime.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

STEP ONE.

You must refresh your musical life. Look through your CD collection. If you find and 'Metalcore' or 'Nu-Metal' or any band's select rubbish albums, for example, Prometheus by Emperor or Roots by Sepultura, you must discard them. Dispose of them in a manner which any tr00 hessian would. Give them to your xtian friends while you condescend them and laugh heartily.

This also goes for your Digital Music collection. Yes. Any music that follows in he criteria of the previous paragraph must say their fond farewell to your 'My Music' folder, or for some of you initiated nooblets 'iTunes Music'. And say hello to a realm that is beyond even the Recycle Bin.

And if your last.fm account has any impurities, you must erase that account and start afresh.

STEP TWO.

Begone with all clothing that bears light colouring. Except Red. And Magneta , cuz that mah fa vourite colour, l olol. True Hessianism is about the darkness of the soul, so only dark clothing is appropraite get-up.

STEP THREE.

You must listen to the entire Bal-Sagoth discography, in Chronological order. Once this is complete, you are on the true path to Hessian Enlightenment. For the epic words of Lord Byron will guide your downtrodden soul to Hesse's holy land.

Oh and you gotta like, hate your parents too, for dey are teh tr00 oppress0rz.

Bai xx

It is often misunderstood, the ways of a true warrior of Hesse. But as your leader I shall guide you all, yes, all 14 of you shall learn the methods in becoming a True Hessian. I shall present to you a simple step-by-step guide that will ease you into the ways of Hessian Lore. If you cannot follow these steps, you will be branded an xtian and will forever be recognised as a Poser-Hessian. Banished to be subject to the tyranny of the Zionist regime.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

STEP ONE.

You must refresh your musical life. Look through your CD collection. If you find and 'Metalcore' or 'Nu-Metal' or any band's select rubbish albums, for example, Prometheus by Emperor or Roots by Sepultura, you must discard them. Dispose of them in a manner which any tr00 hessian would. Give them to your xtian friends while you condescend them and laugh heartily.

This also goes for your Digital Music collection. Yes. Any music that follows in he criteria of the previous paragraph must say their fond farewell to your 'My Music' folder, or for some of you initiated nooblets 'iTunes Music'. And say hello to a realm that is beyond even the Recycle Bin.

And if your last.fm account has any impurities, you must erase that account and start afresh.

STEP TWO.

Begone with all clothing that bears light colouring. Except Red. And Magneta, cuz that mah favourite colour, lolol. True Hessianism is about the darkness of the soul, so only dark clothing is appropraite get-up.

STEP THREE.

You must listen to the entire Bal-Sagoth discography, in Chronological order. Once this is complete, you are on the true path to Hessian Enlightenment. For the epic words of Lord Byron will guide your downtrodden soul to Hesse's holy land.

Oh and you gotta like, hate your parents too, for dey are teh tr00 oppress0rz.

Bai xx

Posted: Sep 7, 2007 5:32 PM - Quote - Report!