UG's Nervous Shitbags

Does anyone ever feel really bad for being themselves around other people & your friend's friend?!

i never do anymore, but i used to loads!
like i used to wear different clothes depending on who i was with, but now i always wear the same stuff no matter who im with, just depends on the weather! lol

anyway... share & discuss views & opinions & things!

Posted: Mar 30, 2008 7:43 PM - Quote - Report!

So what would you supportive people say to a person who is not hot in any way and has no self confidence?

Posted: Apr 7, 2008 7:16 PM - Quote - Report!

I think maybe the best thing to do is to look inside yourself and see what are the qualities you have which make you likeable to other people. You'll probs be surprised at how many you find, which will make you feel a lot better about yourself. 
 
Its an odd thing, but I've found that if you keep saying something to yourself (eg like yourself Violet, "I'm not hot in any ways and have no self confidence") that pretty soon you will begin to believe it wholeheartedly. There's a thing called cognitive thinking which can be usd to "programme" you out of it; for example, with me, if I'm very stressed out and am anxious as shit then I'll feel violently ill in the morning, usually throwing up too. However, the way cognitive thinking works with this is I keep repeating to myself "I don't feel sick, I'm not going to be sick" and I'll stop feeling sick. Similarly, anyone can personalise this to whatever they want to stop thinking/feeling that way. 
 
Hope this helps, I find it works a lot of the time, it's always worth a shot!

Posted: Apr 8, 2008 12:21 PM - Quote - Report!

But what if you can;t convince yourself of that because you know no one else will think what you are thinking? 
 
It's kind of a vicious circle, isn't it? I mean, what if your personality is incredible, but at first glance, you're just..well..kinda meh?

Posted: Apr 8, 2008 9:15 PM - Quote - Report!

Well see the thing with cognitive thinking is that even if you don't believe it at all, if you keep repeating whatever phrase it is to yourself over and over it wil gradually clear your negative thoughts about yourself, but only if you stop saying the negative stuff about yourself.

Violet Addler wrote on Apr 8th, 2008 at 9:15pm :
But what if you can;t convince yourself of that because you know no one else will think what you are thinking? 
 
It's kind of a vicious circle, isn't it? I mean, what if your personality is incredible, but at first glance, you're just..well..kinda meh?

Well first of all you gotta stop thinking about what other people think. Even if you do care deep down what other people's opinions are, whenever you think to yourself, "oh, they're looking at me like I'm a nothing" etc stop yourself and say "seriously, do they actually think that or is that just me saying that cause I think that? Do I really care that much about them? No, I don't, so they don't really look at me like that either, do they?" 
 
Also, the point you made about looking "meh" but having great personality; you'll find that if you have a really friendly personality that people will like you regardless of what you look like. If there is a crowd of people and there is two polar opposite people (let's say girls in this case): one of them is "meh" looking but has a great bubbly personality and is really great to get on with; the other is pretty good looking but is cold and condescending: you'll find that everyone (including guys) is drawn to person number 1, the bubbly personality. From a guy's point of view I find that I'm more drawn to person number 1 both in a friendly and sometimes flirty way as they make people feel good about themselves as they radiate friendly warmth and are great to be around as opposed to number 2, even if they are better looking. 
 
Looks are a poor substitute for personality, and if someone prefers looks over personality, then the best bet is that that person is pretty shallow and actually not worth being around at all. Would you want to be around someone who thinks like that?

Posted: Apr 9, 2008 7:45 AM - Quote - Report!

You are right. Thanks for that...it makes so much sense. 
 
How can you be a nervous shitbag if you are thinking like that? :-) 
 
But seriously, thanks.

Posted: Apr 9, 2008 10:26 AM - Quote - Report!

Bah! Real people *scowls*

Posted: Apr 9, 2008 2:56 PM - Quote - Report!

Seriously though, I only have a few friends who I would hang around with for pleasure, the rest I need to hang around with to get things, but at least it forces me to socailise.

Posted: Apr 9, 2008 3:04 PM - Quote - Report!

Get things? 
 
Like what? Just wondering...I do it too... 
 
And yeah, but forced socialization really kind of sucks.

Posted: Apr 9, 2008 3:43 PM - Quote - Report!

^Weed, to be blunt.(see what i did thar?)

Posted: Apr 10, 2008 11:55 AM - Quote - Report!

^Ah, weed. That should help you with not being such a nervous shitbag then. :-)

Posted: Apr 10, 2008 4:38 PM - Quote - Report!

^ Aye, I know its bad but it has done my life a lot of good. I've only had one bad expierience on weed and thats when I mixed it with vodka. Bad idea.

Posted: Apr 12, 2008 1:45 PM - Quote - Report!

ECwomantoneman wrote on Apr 8th, 2008 at 12:21pm :
*rather intelligent text*

But what if you're so far into the phase of 'I suck' that the phase has stopped you from thinking happy thoguhts and making everything better?

ECwomantoneman wrote on Apr 8th, 2008 at 12:21pm :
*rather intelligent text*

But what if you're so far into the phase of 'I suck' that the phase has stopped you from thinking happy thoguhts and making everything better?

Posted: Apr 12, 2008 2:36 PM - Quote - Report!

^Also my question. I sit around and try to come up with theories on this shit, and I come up with some pretty good stuff. The main issue is, it doesn't work that well. There's the: "Who care what everyone thinks?" thing. But it just seems like we all do on some level. 
Then theres: "We are all great in our own special way" thing, which is true, but the thing is, other people are TOO STUPID to see that. 
 
So my issue is, I guess, everyone else. I mean, everyone is so damn superficial, and I can't fix it.

Posted: Apr 12, 2008 5:33 PM - Quote - Report!

Violet Addler wrote on Apr 12th, 2008 at 5:33pm :
^Also my question. I sit around and try to come up with theories on this shit, and I come up with some pretty good stuff. The main issue is, it doesn't work that well. There's the: "Who care what everyone thinks?" thing. But it just seems like we all do on some level. Then theres: "We are all great in our own special way" thing, which is true, but the thing is, other people are TOO STUPID to see that. So my issue is, I guess, everyone else. I mean, everyone is so damn superficial, and I can't fix it.

You sir are a very intelligent person, you've got the nail straight on the head. 
I'v tried what I consider to be nearly everything to be more confident, I'm in a gigging band, and yet I'm so pathetic I can't hold a proper conversation with the girl I love because I'm scared of how I look, or what I say.

Posted: Apr 14, 2008 4:58 PM - Quote - Report!

*cough*not a sir*cough*

Posted: Apr 15, 2008 2:50 PM - Quote - Report!

[/QUOTE] 
You sir are a very intelligent person, you've got the nail straight on the head. 
I'v tried what I consider to be nearly everything to be more confident, I'm in a gigging band, and yet I'm so pathetic I can't hold a proper conversation with the girl I love because I'm scared of how I look, or what I say.[/QUOTE] 
 
Well thanks. But it's true, I am not a sir. More like ma'am. :-) The name's Nadiah. 
 
And yeah, that's my problem too. I mean, you can't even hold a conversation without looking away and looking like a complete doof. And it SUCKS because you know that's not who you are, and then you just end up making yourself really sad, because you can't ever be who you WANT to be. 
 
Tis the story of my life. Someone save me. :-(

Posted: Apr 16, 2008 11:59 AM - Quote - Report!

Violet Addler wrote on Apr 16th, 2008 at 11:59am :
 
 
Well thanks. But it's true, I am not a sir. More like ma'am. :-) The name's Nadiah. 
 
And yeah, that's my problem too. I mean, you can't even hold a conversation without looking away and looking like a complete doof. And it SUCKS because you know that's not who you are, and then you just end up making yourself really sad, because you can't ever be who you WANT to be. 
 
Tis the story of my life. Someone save me. :-(

Oh I'm incredibly sorry ma'am, that was silly of me. 
But yeah, I can never be me, and I hate it.

Posted: Apr 17, 2008 9:50 AM - Quote - Report!

Well, whatdya think it is that stops you being "you"?

Posted: Apr 17, 2008 10:30 AM - Quote - Report!

ECwomantoneman wrote on Apr 17th, 2008 at 10:30am :
Well, whatdya think it is that stops you being "you"?

Funnily enough, me.

ECwomantoneman wrote on Apr 17th, 2008 at 10:30am :
Well, whatdya think it is that stops you being "you"?

Funnily enough, me.

Posted: Apr 17, 2008 3:41 PM - Quote - Report!

Violet Addler wrote on Apr 16th, 2008 at 11:59am :
> 
And yeah, that's my problem too. I mean, you can't even hold a conversation without looking away and looking like a complete doof. And it SUCKS because you know that's not who you are, and then you just end up making yourself really sad, because you can't ever be who you WANT to be. 
 
Tis the story of my life. Someone save me. :-(

Practice talking to yourself in the mirror, always looking yourself in the eye. Then, in conversation, look at other people directly in the eye, even if you feel a compulsion to look away, don't. It takes some work, but you can do it. 
 
I've also found that whilst I used to avoid eye contact with people walking by, I began to force myself to out-stare them. It took work as well, but I've found it makes you feel a lot more confident.

joeymaxx wrote on Apr 17th, 2008 at 3:41pm :
 
Funnily enough, me.

Look guys, you can be who you want to be. It takes work, but it's something you want a lot, so you're prepared to put in the effort, am I right? Identify specific things to work on and take them all one at a time. Order your lives into little "boxes" that you will open, work on and put away and work on again tomorrow, if that makes sense.

joeymaxx wrote on Apr 17th, 2008 at 3:41pm :
 
Funnily enough, me.

Posted: Apr 18, 2008 10:24 AM - Quote - Report!

after reading all of these replies & things, im not even sure i want to be going after the person im going after, because i mainly am going after her to move on from the girl i originally liked, & i like this person too, but not as much as the original person (lol is this confusing?! cos im confusing myself

) 
hmm....

Posted: Apr 19, 2008 7:30 AM - Quote - Report!

Treat life like business, look for a goal the don't stop until you achieve it. Also walk tall and act a little crazy. 
 
Works for me.

Posted: Apr 19, 2008 3:11 PM - Quote - Report!

Yeah man that sounds good to me

when I've tried that it works, the acting crazy bit isn't a necessity but it makes it fun

Yeah man that sounds good to me

when I've tried that it works, the acting crazy bit isn't a necessity but it makes it fun

Posted: Apr 19, 2008 6:43 PM - Quote - Report!

It makes people avoid you. Which is allways funny.

Posted: Apr 20, 2008 8:15 AM - Quote - Report!

ECwomantoneman wrote on Apr 18th, 2008 at 10:24am :
Violet Addler wrote on Apr 16th, 2008 at 11:59am :
> 
And yeah, that's my problem too. I mean, you can't even hold a conversation without looking away and looking like a complete doof. And it SUCKS because you know that's not who you are, and then you just end up making yourself really sad, because you can't ever be who you WANT to be. 
 
Tis the story of my life. Someone save me. :-(
 
 
Practice talking to yourself in the mirror, always looking yourself in the eye. Then, in conversation, look at other people directly in the eye, even if you feel a compulsion to look away, don't. It takes some work, but you can do it. 
 
I've also found that whilst I used to avoid eye contact with people walking by, I began to force myself to out-stare them. It took work as well, but I've found it makes you feel a lot more confident. 
 

joeymaxx wrote on Apr 17th, 2008 at 3:41pm :
 
Funnily enough, me.
 
 
Look guys, you can be who you want to be. It takes work, but it's something you want a lot, so you're prepared to put in the effort, am I right? Identify specific things to work on and take them all one at a time. Order your lives into little "boxes" that you will open, work on and put away and work on again tomorrow, if that makes sense.

I see how this makes sense. God. The other day I was just talking to someone, and I couldn't stop looking away. I felt like I was going to explode if I kept talking to them. I couldn't wait to get the hell out of there (the bank. Jesus.) I tried the mirror thing, it makes me feel like an idiot. And I can't even look myself in the eye. You'd think I have killed someone or something, the way I am with stuff like this. ECwomantoneman, you must be a really happy guy, with all these solutions to life.

Posted: Apr 22, 2008 2:28 PM - Quote - Report!

ECwomantoneman, do you have any problems with nervousness?

Posted: Apr 23, 2008 3:20 PM - Quote - Report!

joeymaxx wrote on Apr 23rd, 2008 at 3:20pm :
ECwomantoneman, do you have any problems with nervousness?

yeah, you dont seem to have any lol 
you seem to know a lot of solutions! 
or did you join to help us Nervous Shitbags out?!

joeymaxx wrote on Apr 23rd, 2008 at 3:20pm :
ECwomantoneman, do you have any problems with nervousness?

yeah, you dont seem to have any lol 
you seem to know a lot of solutions! 
or did you join to help us Nervous Shitbags out?!

Posted: Apr 23, 2008 3:45 PM - Quote - Report!

Lol thanks guys, I like to help out where I can with kindred spirits

Tbh I'm mostly regurgitating stuff that counselling has taught me. Yeah, I admitted it!

It does take work though. I know how sometimes it used to feel just stepping outside the front door, I'd get a tightness in my chest and everything. I remember when I'd struggle to engage in conversation with people I didn't know that well (still do tbh

) and I remember what it was like to constantly look at people constantly wondering what the were thinking about me. I've been there all right, I like to think I've moved on a bit since then, instead I'm just embittered and cynical.

Lol thanks guys, I like to help out where I can with kindred spirits

Tbh I'm mostly regurgitating stuff that counselling has taught me. Yeah, I admitted it!

Posted: Apr 23, 2008 4:28 PM - Quote - Report!

ECwomantoneman wrote on Apr 23rd, 2008 at 4:28pm :
Lol thanks guys, I like to help out where I can with kindred spirits Tbh I'm mostly regurgitating stuff that counselling has taught me. Yeah, I admitted it! 
 
 
It does take work though. I know how sometimes it used to feel just stepping outside the front door, I'd get a tightness in my chest and everything. I remember when I'd struggle to engage in conversation with people I didn't know that well (still do tbh ) and I remember what it was like to constantly look at people constantly wondering what the were thinking about me. I've been there all right, I like to think I've moved on a bit since then, instead I'm just embittered and cynical.

Well, you seem like a great guy around here

and councelling? for nervousness? 
I always wonder what people think to, I get the feeling I need councelling.

Well, you seem like a great guy around here

and councelling? for nervousness? 
I always wonder what people think to, I get the feeling I need councelling.

Posted: Apr 24, 2008 5:41 PM - Quote - Report!

[/QUOTE] 
Well, you seem like a great guy around here

and councelling? for nervousness? 
I always wonder what people think to, I get the feeling I need councelling.[/QUOTE] 
 
I feel like I need councelling just for being f*cked up in general.

[/QUOTE] 
Well, you seem like a great guy around here

Posted: Apr 25, 2008 10:56 AM - Quote - Report!

joeymaxx wrote on Apr 24th, 2008 at 5:41pm :
 
Well, you seem like a great guy around here and councelling? for nervousness? 
 
I always wonder what people think to, I get the feeling I need councelling.

Cheers man

Yeah, I started going around April last year. I guess I'm usually quite a stressed-out person, but a (not-so) simple case of nerves wasn't really the sole reason for going, however I don't really need to go into the full details of it. I went for about 3 months, then had a very relaxing and enjoyable summer holiday. I re-started about 5 months ago though. However, I feel it has helped a lot, there isn't any shame in going, at very least if you feel the urge then just go.

Cheers man

Posted: Apr 25, 2008 3:14 PM - Quote - Report!

Alc'hol is the only thing that really helps me.

Posted: Apr 26, 2008 7:00 AM - Quote - Report!

mr freezy wrote on Apr 26th, 2008 at 7:00am :
Alc'hol is the only thing that really helps me.

me too... kinda 
but i barely ever have money for it & i always need a friend to get me it cos im too freakin' young! lol 
but my mates sister would always get me it, if she was around... 
& i always imply to my mate that i slept with her, he gets sooo pissed off its hilareous ^_^

mr freezy wrote on Apr 26th, 2008 at 7:00am :
Alc'hol is the only thing that really helps me.

Posted: Apr 27, 2008 4:45 AM - Quote - Report!

mr freezy wrote on Apr 26th, 2008 at 7:00am :
Alc'hol is the only thing that really helps me.

I'm not a big drinker, it does help calm though. 
I'd rather be thinking straight, because I don't trust myself

mr freezy wrote on Apr 26th, 2008 at 7:00am :
Alc'hol is the only thing that really helps me.

I'm not a big drinker, it does help calm though. 
I'd rather be thinking straight, because I don't trust myself

Posted: Apr 27, 2008 10:31 AM - Quote - Report!

I've taken to drinking before school now. Not being shitfaced, but enough to calm my nerves.

Posted: Apr 29, 2008 3:04 PM - Quote - Report!

Uhh, Mr Freezy, I can't say that's the best idea. You'll get into the habit of it and pretty soon start thinking you can't function properly without a drink. That is definately not the mindset you want to get into. 
 
The first thing NA or AA wil say is "there isn't a chemical solution for an emotional problem." I really think you should talk to someone (ie a counsellor) about nervousness. I'm not saying don't drink at all - just not regularly as part of a routine.

Posted: Apr 29, 2008 4:55 PM - Quote - Report!

^EXACTLY. when it comes to booze and smack, it's not going to get you anywhere. Cliche, but there's a reason it's cliche. It's fuckin true.

Posted: Apr 29, 2008 5:10 PM - Quote - Report!

I got a lot more confidence now anyway, so I'm gunna stop. I don't even care anymore, I'm a lot more comfortable with myself. So yeah I'm gunna stop drinking before school.

Posted: Apr 30, 2008 1:24 PM - Quote - Report!

mr freezy wrote on Apr 30th, 2008 at 1:24pm :
I got a lot more confidence now anyway, so I'm gunna stop. I don't even care anymore, I'm a lot more comfortable with myself. So yeah I'm gunna stop drinking before school.

good.

Posted: May 2, 2008 12:09 PM - Quote - Report!

YAY!! xD

Posted: May 3, 2008 4:30 AM - Quote - Report!

I suddenly seem to have a lot more confidence. I don't really know why. I'm better at talking to small ggroups of people and peopla I don't know, but I still have trouble functioning in large groups.

Posted: May 3, 2008 9:39 AM - Quote - Report!

Ayeee don't worry about big groups too much, you've made a helluva lot of prgoress by the sounds of it

And it ain't cause of alcohol, it's because of you!

Ayeee don't worry about big groups too much, you've made a helluva lot of prgoress by the sounds of it

And it ain't cause of alcohol, it's because of you!

Posted: May 3, 2008 9:48 AM - Quote - Report!

Its because I talk to a lot more people now, I don't shut myself in in front of the computer as much.

Posted: May 4, 2008 7:15 AM - Quote - Report!

yesterday i went to town & saw one of my mates with like 3 of her mates i didnt even know, but i sat & talked to them & then one of the person i know (& also like) went off with one of those friends & the other went as well, so it was just me & this guy i met that day & we spent like another 4 hours together having an awesome time, strangely enough on the first day we met!! xD P.S. I'm not gay <img src="http://groups.ultimate-guitar.com/i/smilies/h aha.gif">

Posted: May 11, 2008 7:47 AM - Quote - Report!

I hate it when her friends get in the way :\ 
as selfish as that sounds.

Posted: May 11, 2008 11:14 AM - Quote - Report!

^It doesn't sound selfish man. We all do it. Mr.Freezy, I'm so glad you're gonna quit drinking. In the long run it creates more problems then it solves. 
 
This is the only online support group I like. Theres no assholes here. :-)

Posted: May 12, 2008 9:22 PM - Quote - Report!

Violet Addler wrote on May 12th, 2008 at 9:22pm :
^It doesn't sound selfish man. We all do it. Mr.Freezy, I'm so glad you're gonna quit drinking. In the long run it creates more problems then it solves. This is the only online support group I like. Theres no assholes here. :-)

exactly, you guys are brilliant. 
There shall be no assholery in this group.

Posted: May 16, 2008 12:08 PM - Quote - Report!

Agreed.

And Nadiah, you don't look that "meh" btw.

Agreed. :)

And Nadiah, you don't look that "meh" btw. ;)

Posted: May 28, 2008 11:26 AM - Quote - Report!

ECwomantoneman wrote on May 28th, 2008 at 11:26am :
Agreed. And Nadiah, you don't look that "meh" btw.

When did she say that? 
 
 
 
 
 
pre warning: this thread won't become us judging the only female member of the group.

ECwomantoneman wrote on May 28th, 2008 at 11:26am :
Agreed. And Nadiah, you don't look that "meh" btw.

When did she say that? 
 
 
 
 
 
pre warning: this thread won't become us judging the only female member of the group.

Posted: May 28, 2008 4:19 PM - Quote - Report!

Wow, ECwomantoneman, thanks so much.
I'm trying not to think I do, but it's barely working.

Posted: May 28, 2008 5:10 PM - Quote - Report!

Lol you said somewhere else...

Violet Addler wrote on Apr 8th, 2008 at 9:15pm :
It's kind of a vicious circle, isn't it? I mean, what if your personality is incredible, but at first glance, you're just..well..kinda meh?

kinda hints at it amirite? Just sayin, I wouldn't have said you were "meh" that's all.

:

And no Joey, I ain't hitting on Nadiah

<_<

>_>

Anyways, where were we? Yeah, just call me Mike btw!

:haha: Lol you said somewhere else...

[QUOTE u='Violet Addler' d='2008-04-08 21:15:33']It's kind of a vicious circle, isn't it? I mean, what if your personality is incredible, but at first glance, you're just..well..kinda meh?[/QUOTE]

kinda hints at it amirite? Just sayin, I wouldn't have said you were "meh" that's all. :p:

And no Joey, I ain't hitting on Nadiah ;)

<_<

>_>

Anyways, where were we? Yeah, just call me Mike btw! :)

Posted: May 28, 2008 7:33 PM - Quote - Report!

ECwomantoneman wrote on May 28th, 2008 at 7:33pm :
Lol you said somewhere else...

Violet Addler wrote on Apr 8th, 2008 at 9:15pm :
It's kind of a vicious circle, isn't it? I mean, what if your personality is incredible, but at first glance, you're just..well..kinda meh?

kinda hints at it amirite? Just sayin, I wouldn't have said you were "meh" that's all. :

And no Joey, I ain't hitting on Nadiah

<_<

>_>

Anyways, where were we? Yeah, just call me Mike btw!

Nadiah, it's better this way than the other way round

, I agree with Mike though.

anyway, so erm, do any of you find yourself acting fake infront of people?

[QUOTE u='ECwomantoneman' d='2008-05-28 19:33:46']:haha: Lol you said somewhere else...

[QUOTE u='Violet Addler' d='2008-04-08 21:15:33']It's kind of a vicious circle, isn't it? I mean, what if your personality is incredible, but at first glance, you're just..well..kinda meh?[/QUOTE]

kinda hints at it amirite? Just sayin, I wouldn't have said you were "meh" that's all. :p:

And no Joey, I ain't hitting on Nadiah ;)

<_<

>_>

Anyways, where were we? Yeah, just call me Mike btw! :)[/QUOTE]
Nadiah, it's better this way than the other way round :), I agree with Mike though.

anyway, so erm, do any of you find yourself acting fake infront of people? :(

Posted: May 29, 2008 8:12 AM - Quote - Report!

It IS better this way than the other way around. To be honest, I've never really gotten "the other way around" before. I just do it to myself I guess. Anyway...thanks Mike!

Hm, acting fake. No, not really. I have a tendency to tell people off if I get pissed. Not that I'm rude in general, just that personality is important to me. So if I hear a racist remark, or something shitty in general towards me or someone else, I won't hesitate to have a verbal ass kicking session. I think if I was fake, I wouldn't be able to do that. I won't say I've never been fake before though...but living in the middle east for 4 years tends to wake you up, and well, shake the fake out of you.

I think the best advice I can give is just to be yourself. It sounds easy now, because we are all sitting around comfortably in our Nervous Shitbag group. But honestly, you can't now because you are afraid of what people will think of you, so it's just easier to have a rather...generic personality. People actually enjoy a more interesting person. It's nice to meet someone who isn't...like everyone else. So if you think you are like that, you should totally let it show.

Posted: May 29, 2008 9:54 AM - Quote - Report!