2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control
3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting
period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her its a 6 day
waiting period.
4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the
driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the
other males to find other ways home.
(The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own
girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full
resposibility of driving his frinds home)
5. Short shorts have been banned.. unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.
6. Every man shall allow one empty
urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals, law is
void if there are dividers in between each urinal.
7. If a girl and a guy are not officialy dating then it can't be
considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is
less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is
either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the
right to either get mad or laugh at you.
8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler...this is the only law that suffers the penalty of death.
9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to
pack two in his pockets and one in his car as a spare incase a friend
is in desperate need.
10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.
11. No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then your not a man.
12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.
13. When a man is borrowing a
buddies tool or other equipment, if the borrowie puts any scratches or
brings it back with any noticable wear, then he is required to do one
of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to
replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give
him a case of beer, because hey...who wants to spend more than 50 bucks
on something that isn't yours.
14. When your friend picks up a hot girl...however the hot girl has an
ugly friend...it is only right that you operate as a wing man
doing whatever it is you gotta do to help your buddy have some time
alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay
it forward for each other knowing that the favor will one day be
repayed.
15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and
shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car
are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who
called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no
authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation
comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined
then it will be decided by one round of paper rock scissors (with no
shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful
owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in which the
first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.
Addendum to Man Law No. 15:
If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a
hot girl hints that she would like to sit up front the driver has the
sole right to declare her the shotgun rider and depending upon the
situation may even deny rides to all other passengers. However, if said
hot girl is an ex of any passenger they may overrule the driver's
decision and make her ride in the back. Additionally, if all passengers
happen to be female then revert back to original method of deciding
shotgun rider substituting mud wrestling for UFC cage match. The winner
then gets either a cold water hose down or shotgun the next ride unless
the car is really ****ty and the owner doesn’t care about muddy seats.
16. It is PAPER, ROCK, SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot,
it has to be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present
and somewhat sober.
17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.
18. You poke it you own it.
19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply
walking past. No wor
Man Law
1. No wasted beer in the name of humor.
2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control
3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting
period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her its a 6 day
waiting period.
4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the
driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the
other males to find other ways home.
(The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own
girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full
resposibility of driving his frinds home)
5. Short shorts have been banned.. unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.
6. Every man shall allow one empty
urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals, law is
void if there are dividers in between each urinal.
7. If a girl and a guy are not officialy dating then it can't be
considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is
less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is
either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the
right to either get mad or laugh at you.
8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler...this is the only law that suffers the penalty of death.
9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to
pack two in his pockets and one in his car as a spare incase a friend
is in desperate need.
10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.
11. No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then your not a man.
12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.
13. When a man is borrowing a
buddies tool or other equipment, if the borrowie puts any scratches or
brings it back with any noticable wear, then he is required to do one
of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to
replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give
him a case of beer, because hey...who wants to spend more than 50 bucks
on something that isn't yours.
14. When your friend picks up a hot girl...however the hot girl has an
ugly friend...it is only right that you operate as a wing man
doing whatever it is you gotta do to help your buddy have some time
alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay
it forward for each other knowing that the favor will one day be
repayed.
15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and
shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car
are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who
called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no
authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation
comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined
then it will be decided by one round of paper rock scissors (with no
shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful
owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in which the
first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.
Addendum to Man Law No. 15:
If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a
hot girl hints that she would like to sit up front the driver has the
sole right to declare her the shotgun rider and depending upon the
situation may even deny rides to all other passengers. However, if said
hot girl is an ex of any passenger they may overrule the driver's
decision and make her ride in the back. Additionally, if all passengers
happen to be female then revert back to original method of deciding
shotgun rider substituting mud wrestling for UFC cage match. The winner
then gets either a cold water hose down or shotgun the next ride unless
the car is really ****ty and the owner doesn’t care about muddy seats.
16. It is PAPER, ROCK, SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot,
it has to be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present
and somewhat sober.
17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.
18. You poke it you own it.
19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply
walking past. No wor
20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye to eye if she was to ever find out.
21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count.. rule is in exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day.
22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E .. Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet.. or if a man is figuratively in a girls pants.. (or any other article of clothing).
23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violater of this law, should pop his collar.
24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances.
25. BEING GAY IS NOT ALLOWED... EVER, NO EXCEPTIONS. All gay "people" lose the title of man, and should never be referred to, in any context, as man.
26. All men must eat meat. A ****load of meat. If not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegitarian, or eat sick **** like tofu. Also no man should consume any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of "watching his weight" or dieting.
27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.
28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice, no need to say "I'm Sorry"
29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are seperated refer to Law 3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you.
30. Under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another mans attempt at getting some tang. Lets just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man status and its privileges, and will result in the title Manbitch.
31. Every man should watch sportscenter at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recomended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day.
32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes.
33. If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as, Mother's day, Birthday's, or St. Patrick's day or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved.
34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from man to manbitch and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships.
35. Women can't drive.
36. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10.
37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of "Manbitch" from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly...and what is not.
38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if you dont agree with the war they are your country men fighting to protect you and you should show them your support
39. No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. modern, thinner cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years past.
40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play when leaving, you may take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.
41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal.
42. A man will not live in his parents house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or he is in the war.
43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you like this". and the right to leave the room.
44. Sex is more important then talking
45. No man under any circu
20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye to eye if she was to ever find out.
21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count.. rule is in exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day.
22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E .. Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet.. or if a man is figuratively in a girls pants.. (or any other article of clothing).
23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violater of this law, should pop his collar.
24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances.
25. BEING GAY IS NOT ALLOWED... EVER, NO EXCEPTIONS. All gay "people" lose the title of man, and should never be referred to, in any context, as man.
26. All men must eat meat. A ****load of meat. If not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegitarian, or eat sick **** like tofu. Also no man should consume any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of "watching his weight" or dieting.
27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.
28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice, no need to say "I'm Sorry"
29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are seperated refer to Law 3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you.
30. Under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another mans attempt at getting some tang. Lets just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man status and its privileges, and will result in the title Manbitch.
31. Every man should watch sportscenter at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recomended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day.
32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes.
33. If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as, Mother's day, Birthday's, or St. Patrick's day or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved.
34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from man to manbitch and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships.
35. Women can't drive.
36. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10.
37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of "Manbitch" from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly...and what is not.
38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if you dont agree with the war they are your country men fighting to protect you and you should show them your support
39. No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. modern, thinner cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years past.
40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play when leaving, you may take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.
41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal.
42. A man will not live in his parents house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or he is in the war.
43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you like this". and the right to leave the room.
47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat
48. Men will invite other men to Man Law
49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because "its not their brand."
50. No man shall be shamed if they
are passed out with their shoes off in your place. If the person passes
out outside of the house, then they are fair game shoes or not.
51. It is acceptable for a man to
publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the gonads. If
at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party,
scratch away, just no handshakes.
52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter
the temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, such
as its counterpart, cold pizza.
53. If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.
54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never
reach lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you cant drink it
in said time, don’t open it. If you cant drink it in said time, your man status will be up for review.
55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.
56. It is never a man’s responsibility to empty the trash while
drinking. Beer cans may be staked or crushed while the bottles may be
thrown into neighbor’s lawn.
57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.
58. It is acceptable for a man to break manlaws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway.
59. The bachelor’s party is exclusively male. (except the entertainment).
60. No man may ever sell a beer to
a friend. Its understood that said friend will repay beer with beer
later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser
quality.
61. A man purse is still a purse.
62. No man shall dance for fun unless its to increase his chances with a member of the opposite sex.
63. Body paint is onlly acceptable on a man if its on gameday and to support his team.
64. No man shall bring a woman to the guys night out. this is punishable by verbal abuse for life.
65. If you do not sweat, its not a sport.
66. If a large snake catches a man offguard and bites, said man is allowed to scream once.
67. No man shall wear a beret unless its for his military service.
68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone.
69. No man shall ever, under and circumstance, share an umbrella with another man.
70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless
it involves a race were the winner receives a combination of the
following: beer, food, sex.
71. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want" gets an
Xbox. End of story.
72. Keeping beer from other's by hiding it in the fridge is not permissable. Besides, sharing is caring.
73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is for beer only.
74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any man
47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat
48. Men will invite other men to Man Law
49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because "its not their brand."
50. No man shall be shamed if they
are passed out with their shoes off in your place. If the person passes
out outside of the house, then they are fair game shoes or not.
51. It is acceptable for a man to
publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the gonads. If
at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party,
scratch away, just no handshakes.
52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter
the temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, such
as its counterpart, cold pizza.
53. If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.
54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never
reach lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you cant drink it
in said time, don’t open it. If you cant drink it in said time, your man status will be up for review.
55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.
56. It is never a man’s responsibility to empty the trash while
drinking. Beer cans may be staked or crushed while the bottles may be
thrown into neighbor’s lawn.
57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.
58. It is acceptable for a man to break manlaws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway.
59. The bachelor’s party is exclusively male. (except the entertainment).
60. No man may ever sell a beer to
a friend. Its understood that said friend will repay beer with beer
later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser
quality.
61. A man purse is still a purse.
62. No man shall dance for fun unless its to increase his chances with a member of the opposite sex.
63. Body paint is onlly acceptable on a man if its on gameday and to support his team.
64. No man shall bring a woman to the guys night out. this is punishable by verbal abuse for life.
65. If you do not sweat, its not a sport.
66. If a large snake catches a man offguard and bites, said man is allowed to scream once.
67. No man shall wear a beret unless its for his military service.
68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone.
69. No man shall ever, under and circumstance, share an umbrella with another man.
70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless
it involves a race were the winner receives a combination of the
following: beer, food, sex.
71. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want" gets an
Xbox. End of story.
72. Keeping beer from other's by hiding it in the fridge is not permissable. Besides, sharing is caring.
73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is for beer only.
74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any man
78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.
79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, and it is perfectly accepted to watch.
80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice.
81. A man should be able to
lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the following sports:
Football (not the European kind), Baseball, or Ice Hockey.
82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable...any
garment that is not a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be
attached to that animal...exceptions are collars, leashes, etc.
exception to this rule are monkeys.83. Under no circumstances shall any man
drink wine cooler...ever...unless beer or liquor is completely
unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavored that
comes in a bottle.
84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a female.
85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry. 1. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph. 2. Your date is using her teeth. 3. Anna Kournikova gets married.
86. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose
sides. It is also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.
87. When in a public shower, no man
will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye-to-eye contact for more
than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards, and
look away.
88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to another man.
89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions.
90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her.
91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monicristo, CAO (Cade Mayo).
92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to use the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined (Eric Gartenberg).
93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it was a bet. (Boots Jones)
94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should
not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even
permitted to deny his very existence.
95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.
96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases,
"down in Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this
girl had the biggest rack you ever saw".
97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without
recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out
"bull****!". (exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration is 400%)
98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man
is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to
wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic
1-10 scale.
99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's
refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not
suitable.
100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill,
car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything
considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.
101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky
friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But
should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on
the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.
102. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
pick a Buffalo wing clean.
78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.
79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, and it is perfectly accepted to watch.
80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice.
81. A man should be able to
lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the following sports:
Football (not the European kind), Baseball, or Ice Hockey.
82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable...any
garment that is not a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be
attached to that animal...exceptions are collars, leashes, etc.
exception to this rule are monkeys.83. Under no circumstances shall any man
drink wine cooler...ever...unless beer or liquor is completely
unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavored that
comes in a bottle.
84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a female.
85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry. 1. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph. 2. Your date is using her teeth. 3. Anna Kournikova gets married.
86. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose
sides. It is also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.
87. When in a public shower, no man
will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye-to-eye contact for more
than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards, and
look away.
88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to another man.
89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions.
90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her.
91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monicristo, CAO (Cade Mayo).
92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to use the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined (Eric Gartenberg).
93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it was a bet. (Boots Jones)
94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should
not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even
permitted to deny his very existence.
95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.
96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases,
"down in Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this
girl had the biggest rack you ever saw".
97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without
recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out
"bull****!". (exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration is 400%)
98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man
is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to
wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic
1-10 scale.
99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's
refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not
suitable.
100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill,
car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything
considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.
101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky
friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But
should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on
the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.
102. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
pick a Buffalo wing clean.
103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. (in fact, even remembering your best friends birthday is
optional)104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a
girlfriends cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and
threw it into a ceiling fan.
105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask
who's playing. You should know such things.
106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly,
whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you
have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining
the priesthood.
107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip
over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let
him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.
108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.
109. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a
massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair
with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so
he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a
friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no
reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what
a big mistake it was.
111. Man-hugs must involve a meeting of thumbs, into a handshake position, and a chest bump. Any man who durates a man-hug for more than 3 seconds is subject to review.
112. All men must stand while urinating. The only exceptions to this
are if you ill and can't stand or you have no legs. Anyone that
violates this will be demoted to Man Bitch and your gender will be questioned.
103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. (in fact, even remembering your best friends birthday is
optional)104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a
girlfriends cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and
threw it into a ceiling fan.
105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask
who's playing. You should know such things.
106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly,
whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you
have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining
the priesthood.
107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip
over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let
him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.
108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.
109. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a
massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair
with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so
he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a
friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no
reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what
a big mistake it was.
111. Man-hugs must involve a meeting of thumbs, into a handshake position, and a chest bump. Any man who durates a man-hug for more than 3 seconds is subject to review.
112. All men must stand while urinating. The only exceptions to this
are if you ill and can't stand or you have no legs. Anyone that
violates this will be demoted to Man Bitch and your gender will be questioned.
hey man, im only 15, and i appreciate you making thses laws so i have some thing to by to know i am a man.i have almost 100% incorporated these laws into my life and friends (the guys that is) lives, and we are almost men lol.i would have to say im 98% man, as opposed to the kid who lives next door, who may be approximately 3% man.thank you much.the only thing i would like to submit for decision is the Bible, and religion.men (the christian ones) should NOT under any circumstances, go against their religion, as it is for eternity ( again, for the religious ones).and what about video games? sharing turns on Halo?anywa y good job, i live by these rules.
hey man, im only 15, and i appreciate you making thses laws so i have some thing to by to know i am a man.i have almost 100% incorporated these laws into my life and friends (the guys that is) lives, and we are almost men lol.i would have to say im 98% man, as opposed to the kid who lives next door, who may be approximately 3% man.thank you much.the only thing i would like to submit for decision is the Bible, and religion.men (the christian ones) should NOT under any circumstances, go against their religion, as it is for eternity ( again, for the religious ones).and what about video games? sharing turns on Halo?anywa y good job, i live by these rules.
We gotta add a law about talking to others in the bathroom when you're doing your business. I hate when people to that, like how the other day, this kid just starts talking to me about movies when I was taking a piss. So fucking uncomfortable...
Fucking awesome, thanks for posting these man.
We gotta add a law about talking to others in the bathroom when you're doing your business. I hate when people to that, like how the other day, this kid just starts talking to me about movies when I was taking a piss. So fucking uncomfortable... :(
Blash wrote on Jan 4th, 2008 at 2:48pm : Fucking awesome, thanks for posting these man.
We gotta add a law about talking to others in the bathroom when you're doing your business. I hate when people to that, like how the other day, this kid just starts talking to me about movies when I was taking a piss. So fucking uncomfortable...
Law #41: Do not have a conversation at a urinal.
I think that just about covers it.
Blash wrote on Jan 4th, 2008 at 2:48pm : Fucking awesome, thanks for posting these man.
We gotta add a law about talking to others in the bathroom when you're doing your business. I hate when people to that, like how the other day, this kid just starts talking to me about movies when I was taking a piss. So fucking uncomfortable... :(
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